[apache405]

so far in the 2 relationships i've had, my 4 favorite things to hear her complain about:

1. you buy too many needless things (tools).
2. i'm not trying to change you (right, and the entire contents of the last three conversations we had where every major topic started off as "you should do/be/whatever")
3. you don't listen (really hard to work with when "listening" contridicts #2).
4. you always have to get your sex (funny aren't you getting it too).

i think women over complicate things and then blame it on us.

[dertsap]

3. you don't listen .

the simple fix for that is to just nod every once in a while but the key is to look her in the eyes when you do or she may figure out your bluff and ask you the unanswerable question every married man has heard
" WHAT DID I JUST SAY ? ''



my hardest lesson in life was that its fun to nail the crazy ones , just don t marry em

[mc-motorsports]

A friend once told me "some wemen are like bent sticks, you can't straighten them out, they snap".

[apache405]

A friend once told me "some wemen are like bent sticks, you can't straighten them out, they snap".

tell me about it....

[wwendorf]

I've been married 11 years and I still have a great relationship with my wife. Has she added excess weight? Yes. Have I? Hate to admit it, but yeah. She's also 14 years older than me (women my age act too much like children for me) yet people still mistake her for closer to my age.

I still believe that one of the biggest problems that relationships have had tend to be around the almighty freakin' dollar. I solved that before we ever got married. We total up the household bills (let's say $2000 for want of a round number) and then take her income and my income (again, let's pretend that her income is $25k and mine is $50k). We divide that into the monthly household expenses, so her contribution to the household account is 1/3rd ($606) and mine is 2/3rd ($1394). Whatever money each of us have leftover is our money to pay our personal bills with, and to purchase whatever we decide that we want. She buys and pays for her type of car, I buy and pay for my type of car, and neither of us has input in the choice of the other. I want to buy a $4k milling machine, I do it and don't ask. She wants to buy a new computer or a quilting machine, she does it and asks me to help her set it up. Don't get me wrong, we talk about things we want to get or buy to hear thoughts or other points of view, but we both ultimately make our own decision.

To some of you, this may be weird, or strange, or "not a marriage", but hey, it works, and in 11 years, we've never had a money fight. If fact, we've never really had a fight period. Disagreements? Yes. Fights? Not really, of course definitions of a fight vary.

It's also my OPINION that women operate on emotion, and men operate on visual or logic. What does that mean?

#1 - Women want to hear the words that we love them. Men think that they should know that by what we do for them. Actions just don't seem to speak louder than words. Say the words, at least 2 times a day, and you will have a happy woman around the house (which makes you quite happy as well if you know what I mean). Flowers and surprising considerations just out of the blue make a huge difference as well.
#2 - Women want to talk about what they FEEL. I know, us guys don't like talking about that stuff, but again, a happy woman makes a happy home and thus, a happy husband.

I know a few couples who adopted our method of marriage, and they went from ready to get divorced to being very happy. Other people I know have adopted different ways to surviving in today's marriages.

Cheers and good luck,
Wade

[ARaisch]

wwendorf I think part of the secret is that your wife is older. I first tried to put all of our money together and pay/save everything from one account. She did not like the idea of me "controlling" her money. So, I had the same idea that you did, we figured out the total of bills and other joint expenses and divided these up based on percentage of income. I even went so far as to open a joint checking account to automatically draft payments from and tied this to both of our individual checking accounts in order to easily transfer funds. In the three years that we have been doing this my wife has never, and I mean never, given her full percentage into the pot (which means that I make up the difference). At the same time she has racked up over $20,000 in debt and any excess money left in the account she has a habit of spending. Guess what, everything is still my fault. I just can not win!!

I tell her I love her every chance that I can and used to buy flowers once every other week. She still tells me that I do not put enough effort into proving my love for her. Some women will never let you win!!

I am no psychologist but I believe most women's behavior is driven by what I call the "Eve Complex". In the occurrence at the Garden of Eden, Eve did what she did because she felt inferior to God and Adam. A women's feeling of neglect and or lack of being loved stems from this controlling attitude of inferiority. This explains why a women can pride herself on her independence and in the same breath cry about what you have not done for her lately. Some times there is nothing that you can do. Just do not make it worse by responding with the "Adam Complex". We men are not responsible for the behavior of others, it is there choice. It is not a problem that can be solved because, it does not stem from reason. Support her or get out of the relationship.

[wwendorf]

It sounds like a good portion of the reason that it isn't working is because she isn't living up to the agreements she made (putting her share into the pot). That's one thing we don't allow to happen. Household bills get taken care of first, then personal bills, then fun money. The money in the household account, even if there is excess, never get's touched for anything other than household bills. We have excess in the summer, and it gets used in the winter to pay for heating.

Something like what my wife and I do will never work unless the guidelines governing it are adhered to.

I'm not saying I have the magic formula, I just found the formula that works for us. My wife carries a lot more credit card debt than I do, but, she's been paying it off too, and she had it before we were married. She isn't a shop-a-holic (which is another plus) and knows how to live cheaper in order to pay things off. We don't give up things we enjoy in life, like eating out, tho we have been doing less of that because of the dang cost of gas and food in general.

Wade

[ARaisch]

I am happy for you it sounds like you are one of the few that got lucky.

The rest of the story... about 3 months ago I told my wife that I was not in love with her anymore and that things needed to change or in six months we were going to have to split up. She spun the situation and, once again, tried to pin the blame on me. We have since been seeing a councilor once a week. She still does not get it!! She has a better attitude and no longer nags me but, she refuses to live up to her responsibilities. Oh well I hope that she is not surprised in 3 months when I tell her to move out. I do not want to but I see that as the only option.

[wwendorf]

Sorry to hear that ARaisch. Have you ever sat down and written out what each of you wants out of a marriage? I know some people that that helped. It's not a perfect world, and sometimes, people just change and move apart.

Good luck,
Wade

[Khalid]

Sad stories....Nice thoughts..

-1- Women needs care, security.

[ZipSnipe]

Wow surprised to see this thread still kickin! Well me and the wife are still together and the issue over money has been resolved. So hang in there, I also found that joking a lot with your wife really helps alot!

[Geof]

..... I also found that joking a lot with your wife really helps alot!

Yes; a good thing to find out. I find it a bit sad how some couples do not seem to be able to make things work. Marriage should be a partnership of equals, who have equal respect for each other. If either side thinks the other side 'does not get it' perhaps they should look in a mirror. Giving is sometimes a lot better than taking.

Maybe I am an idealist, but I have been married almost forty years, and for twenty five years have worked with my wife every day running our own business.

[JoBwan]

Wow surprised to see this thread still kickin! Well me and the wife are still together and the issue over money has been resolved. So hang in there, I also found that joking a lot with your wife really helps alot!

No matter how bad the issues become, I ALWAYS get the last in......."Yes Dear". HEE hee!!! My philosophy is this. I don't believe in divorce. Sometimes it takes a real man to be a Hero, and compromise the situation. I don't agree with always being right. IE: Is it better to always be right and unhappy or help compromise the situation and be happy as a fart? I choose HAPPY!!! Besides, you need to watch what you ask for!! You asked for it! You got it! Live with it, or someone else will. ZIP, BE THE HERO!!!!

[dertsap]

i think Geof hit the key word "respect" ,

i was married to the most selfish self rightous rig you could ever meet who later understood through psychiatrists that all of her problems were my fault ,the fault of her upbringing , her parents ,her sibblings and the flushed goldfish that died when she was 2 yrs old etc , bottom line is it turns out that we as humans are not responsiblefor our own actions or down falls in the eyes of these cracker jack box certified " doctors " .
needless to say that nightmares over !
ive since remarried and its great ,we treat each other with the respect we deserve ,we tease each other when we can but its all in good fun
in my house she deals with the money because she's brillient with it , as long as the money is available when i want my toys then thats all i need or want to know

if the mutual respect isn't there , it will never work out

[handlewanker]

Three rings of marriage,
1 The engagement ring.
2 The wedding ring.
3 The suffering.
Ian.

[neilw20]

Go to the supermarket with wife.
Reach out for a slab of beer. She says it is OFF PAY WEEK. Can't have it today.
Later get to creams and junk section.
She grabs for a large pot of some cream gunk, who knows why.
I say it's off pay week. She says it is to make her look beautiful for me.
I say half a slab of beer will do that.
Just joking..
My wife of 35 years can laugh at that.
Earn more than you spend.
Don't borrow to get things before you NEED THEM.
Create the odd $ with the CNC, but don't machine to much aluminum.
That creates too much SILVER s h i t . Solved that. Monster sucker machine.
Each hurdle can be overcome.
If it breaks, only fix it is less than 10 years old. That includes cars.
You can never change people. Just respect them.

[JROM]

My wife of 23 years just died of cancer. May first.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

[billystein]

Hi snipe,


for your own sake. DTB. now.
peace
billy

[wwendorf]

My wife of 23 years just died of cancer. May first.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Sorry for your loss JROM.

Wade

[Jaime128]

Hey guys! Well, it's a few minutes until 3am and I had to finish reading your posts here. I'm 35 year old male and have never been married, but I gotta tell you, I learn something new every time I read these forums. So thanks for that. Plus this is the one forum I have never seen a woman post in so it's just the guys which is pretty refreshing since all you see on their posts are man bashing. Besides, I can't stop laughing at some of your sense of humor. I was in love once and lost her for some reason, so I know what that feels like, to lose the one you love. I would never change that experience for the world, but that changed my whole life. That saying applies to me a lot. It's better to have loved and lost, then something, something...I forgot the rest of the saying, but like I said, it's almost three am. So forgive me here. So I just try to make the best of life and well, move on. So for that one person who lost his wife to cancer, I know what if feels like to lose someone you love. I know it's not the same, but I do know what love is and that hits the soul hard to anyone that's ever had that and lost it in whatever way.

I attended a funeral of a lady my mother worked for over 25 years I think, and I had never laughed so much at any funeral. We actually just remember the good things about her. Yes, there was crying, but I hope this is how I'm remembered. She was kind, and never complained, but what I can't forget is the life in her. She was always so upbeat even like two or three weeks when I last saw her at home, before she went to the hospital. She had ms(multiple sclerosis) so I also saw her at the hospital a couple of days before they let her go, but even though the docs and nurses said she had brain damage from the massive heart attack, when we talked to her, you could see that her eyes water a bit. Even if she couldn't really look straight at us. She just seemed normal to me...her brain that is. She could no longer move anything at this point. And well, as awful as that was, it gave me the peace in my heart that I wished for all these years. Watching her that is. I still can't stop thinking about that last time I stared into her eyes. You want to help, but you just can't do anything. Life works in mysterious ways. She had nothing to do with the person I loved and took the life out of me if you will, but for some reason seeing her like that I guess just made me realize what I've been missing all this time. I don't hate that other person. I am glad I learned that lesson when I was younger though. I know some people learn this when it's way later in life which is probably harder. So I guess the moral of my story here is, enjoy what you have. Life is too short. Don't take things things too seriously. Okay this last one is for me, but I'm trying to learn from all of you and well, anywhere and anyone that will teach me. Okay, thanks for letting me vent too...